Intro::::
Ok, so we're (the lovely Mrs and I) of to Vegas for the wedding of a couple of our closest and most fun friends, with most of our core group of 20 or so making the trip.

Seperate from the wedding, there is a different bachelor party featuring 3 old bandmates of mine who are also a fringe part of the group.

First day, Thurs 6-8::::
We wake up early (6 am) to take the boy to school and split for the aeropuerto (I will try to make the post as Bi-lingual as possible to help our ESL friends) for a 10 am flight. All goes well and we arrive nice and early with NO traffic to the fabulous Ontario International airport. Now, how Ontario is an "International" airport is beyond me but what the hell, I'll go with it. We get through security with no problems and go to the arrival and departure board. Now, usually the Mrs will handle all responsible duties as I'm a complete knucklehead, but this time I decided to step up. I find "Vegas Gate 4" and we go and get in the front of the line for "A" boarding. Since we were early and the security line is pretty light I can go smoke at will. On my second trip a woman sits next to us in the the chairs and the wife ends up in a conversation with her....fine, I'll go smoke. I light up downstairs and in no more than 2 minutes, I get a call on my cell, "idiot, we're at the wrong gate, I had to move the bags 2 gates down. Did you even look at the board?? Get your arse up here, there's people in line....and you suck!" Well she's right, I do suck, but not in a bad man sort of way but in a handsome absent minded guy sort of way.

I need to mention what I am wearing not for any other reason than to explain this next part. I am wearing jeans, cons(Converse), and my Brazil Jersey (which some of you may not know is Yellow with green trim). As we board our Southwest flight that we expect will have some amateur flight crew comedians, I hear over the intercom.."Lance......Laaaaannnncceee", I hear laughter including the Mrs, and have NO idea what the hell is going on. Meanwhile it continues...."Laaaaannnccceee......Lance Armstrong?? Cmon Lance, give us a wave!" It's then that it hits me, "%$*&@, the flying whore is talking %$*&$% on me?". "Cmon Lance give us a wave". Alright, wave? No problem, you got it....the smiling, two handed, flying one finger salute all around.

I settle in the window seat, wife is riding middle, and older very sweet lady in aisle seat. we get served our drinks and Lance and the Mrs get a beer (with coupon from SW, love it), and Aisle lady (hereto known as "AL") decides on a Tomato juice. Flying whore serves us our drinks and as AL picks up her boozeless drink, she drops it on the tray and down the Mrs's leg....this is NOT good.....you see, the wife is 6'0" tall and beautiful, but also can be flat out evil when crossed (so I hear, wouldn't have much experience with that
) and AL instantly apologizes says "it's ok, no problem" all the while turning to me and in an absolutely satanic tone of voice vents mercilessly. I don't remember spilling the drink on her, but apparently giving me a ration is much better than beating AL until she's bleeding from the eyes and crying out for Jesus....I don't condone that kind of behavior, but I sure as hell understand it. Luckily the flying whore is intelligent enough to see the incident and instantly brings a couple of towels and some Soda Water(?). For this reason alone I will now call her "Nice Stewardess". The crisis is averted when said soda water solves problem after 20 minutes of scrubbing/bitching/saying it's ok, no problem. She finally chugs the beer, and I know I'm home free.

We land, and the argument that is unspoken is finally won when Mrs. checks a bag and it takes 40 minutes for it to come down at McCarran. I hate checking bags....PERIOD.

====Tip of the day====
If you don't absolutely have to check a bag, DON'T. That is unless you like wrestling with old ladies (I know...it's a fetish) and waiting for at least a half hour.

Still, we're in Vegas, it's all good. Couldn't wipe the smile off my face with a hammer.

continued because of the length(and uncensored)on my blog: http://mankeptdown.blogspot.com

El Diablo Blanco